Go get some hobbies, fam!

Written by Seona McKenzie

Different things are uncomfortable for different people but awkward silences, being bad at something, and radical self-reflection are generally classed as uncomfortable across the board.

I feel as though many of us understand the importance of knowing oneself but for some, myself included this is not our default programming. Over the years I gauged my moods, emotional reactions, likes, and dislikes based on external sources and validation. This was unsurprisingly unfulfilling and I reached my late teens realising that I had stopped doing everything I loved. When talking to my friends and agemates I realised that I wasn't the only one. This is not a new phenomenon by any means but in a time of informational abundance and wider opportunity reach it is almost incomprehensible that we could ever be idle or unfulfilled. The knowledge and opportunities themselves are neutral, merely avenues to a different life. However, it is the narratives and attachment to those narratives surrounding various opportunities that cause many of us to feel overstimulated or distressed. This consequently leads to inaction or simply quitting which perpetuates the cycle and behaviour of idleness and unfulfillment.

For others, it is the opposite. They fill their lives with shallow and meaningless side quests, doom scrolling- we all do it or try to find the foundational fulfilment that they lack in romantic partnerships. Whatever the vice or mechanism, the overarching theme is that many of us lack a strong centre of self. I have a very strong desire to centre myself, love myself, and invest in myself but the steps are more complicated, and unfortunately, life does not often bend to one's desires without some sort of resistance. The game with the self is a mental one that manifests physically through our actions. This is the cause of the resistance and the gap between our desires and our reality. But fear not, there is nothing wrong with you, you are capable, and you will get there. I’m sure that most of us are aware by now that our brains are designed to keep us safe. It has no definite concept of ‘good’ or ‘bad’. We are conditioned to know what is good or bad, the brain is conditioned to know what is ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’.

When you were younger and you loved to dance, draw, play the flute, or make playdough sculptures your brain was safe. You were learning, enjoying, and experiencing a sense of fulfilment. Along the way, your brain categorised those things and how they made you or others around you feel ‘unsafe’. Now don’t get me wrong I love doing the inner work, journalling, shadowing work, and all that fun stuff but it's not every day crying, releasing, and reliving our traumas.  

So what can we do?

Start.

Literally, all we need to do is start. This echoes a lot of the advice that I have been getting and the discourse I have seen online.

‘Okay but how do we start?’

I wouldn’t leave you in the dark like that! I think one-word answers are very obscure and sometimes very annoying. I would start by sitting down, with no distractions, and just see what my brain wonders to. This is a good indicator of what you think is most important, the things you are avoiding, and the narratives that you are constantly telling yourself. Make a note of these things and ask yourself how you feel about them. I recently learnt the difference between feelings and emotions- I think I’m late to the party on this one but anyway, emotions are the physiological reaction that we have to situations, people, outcomes, etc. Feelings are the narratives we tell ourselves regarding those situations, people, and outcomes.

You see the theme here? Great!  

So when you think of a hobby you want to start or return to, what emotions come up? I know I get a pit in my stomach and my mind instantly tells me that ‘we don’t have time to do all that.’ This makes me feel useless, anxious, and sometimes frustrated. Why? Because I have narrated to myself over and over again that if I can’t do something right it's not worth doing, I’m not good enough, or I simply don’t deserve to do things just for fun.

So if you feel this way the next step is to self-soothe. These narratives are generated from wounds. Be compassionate and patient with yourself, what you need in those moments is a sense of calmness and validation. I truly believe that most of us are still children, technically I’m only 2 in proper adult years (I’m 22). Nonetheless, the approach that we’re looking for is not how you would expect an adult to talk to another adult.

Next, ask yourself what makes you feel fulfilled. Where is the abundance in your life? This question was asked to me not too long ago and since then I have been trying to notice the abundance in my life. On the topic of centering oneself and acquiring hobbies, for me, it looks very physical. I enjoy dancing and making things with my hands. So, whenever a really good song on my playlist comes up or I get my hairstyle just right, I class this as abundance. This means most of my hobbies have to do with physical movement and tactile projects. While some of you may find abundance in nature or a book with a profound plot and writing. The point is that one’s hobbies should bring more abundance into your life. By my examples I believe it is clear that abundance is broader than money but just in case you need reminding: You do not have to monetise a hobby.

You deserve enjoyment, please give it to yourself.

Do not think too much about your hobby. Obviously, if it's like jousting or equestrian, definitely give it some appropriate thought. However, for less expensive hobbies, do not think too much about it. Book the class, buy the yarn, join the WhatsApp group chat, and follow that Instagram page. Overthinking creates inaction. The opportunities and possibilities accompanied with hobbies should empower you not immobilise you.

So go forth. Look within and ask yourself those tough questions but not for too long, because what’s a life with no hobbies?